The maid of honor just puked.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
