So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
