dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
