If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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