I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
