we're chasing vodka with high fives
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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