Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
