we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
