ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
