Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
