he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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