The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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