I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
