Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
