I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
