whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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