why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
