i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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