We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
