I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
