Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
