I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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