What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
