Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
