AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
