Already got asked if we're dating
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
