i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize