i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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