sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
then he tried to convert me to islam
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
