Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
