I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
