yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
