She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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