Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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