I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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