You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
