Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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