Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize