my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
