He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
