Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i out mim tonsoeep
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