this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize