It's Friday. Sex?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
