My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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