i was born a porn star she said
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
