thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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