there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
