Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize