Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When are your genitals available?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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