Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
