I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
