the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
