also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
