i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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