I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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