i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
