I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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