I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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