we have pet lesbian snakes
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
