I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
