38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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