is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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