I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
