If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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