I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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