so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
