I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
