As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
