Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
