We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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