Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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