you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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