Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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