At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
