What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
