we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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