I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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