Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
