Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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