Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My life is pants optional.
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