So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
