I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
