Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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