Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
