did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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