just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i love accidental penises.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My breasts were aching with rage.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
