Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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