I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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