i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
