Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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