best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
