last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
