So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize