is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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