So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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