There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
