MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
why is half of my head shaved?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
