just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You were trust falling into bushes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
