New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize