Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
In America we eat man semen.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My feet surprised me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
