Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
