I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
