This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
