Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
