highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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