:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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