things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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