Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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