I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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