I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
