I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
