I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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